A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell. So, let’s talk about music, shall we? Today I woke up with the insistent desire to listen to some of the tracks I esteem. Since I craved Julio Iglesias’ songs the most, So Close to Me, topped the playlist. This song is my current obsession. Just when I thought I had discovered all the Julio’s hit tracks, I bumped into it. The soft beats, the tragedy of romance crafted within its poetic lyrics and Julio’s Espanola accent makes the song an epic one. It counts as one of the biggest coincidences of my life that I discovered this song the following week after Stella* and I parted ways.

Perhaps we can safely say that then I was looking for some way to project my disappointment. If so, So Close to Me came to my life at the best time. And now after almost five months, the raging storm having calmed and my life back in order, I still sing along to this song with emotive tone. Sometimes the memories of Stella linger my mind when the song play. She would have loved the song. We would have sung it together, rocking each other till we drift to sleep. In the morning sing it in our hearts as we prepare coffee. I am certain most nights she would have lit the candles and held me to her bosom as we dance to the slow beats of it. We both loved darkness. We were perfect, and the timing was wrong.

So close to me, when I reach out my hand and there is only space, I’ll kiss the empty pillow where I see your face, So close to me. I am done preparing tea when the song ends for the fifth time. Before it could start over again, I hurried to the stereo and pressed next. Returning to the kitchen counter to spread peanut butter on my bread. From the speakers, a familiar instrumental started playing. I engaged my memory to gauss the lyrics beforehand but failed, and yet my heart vibrated with the rhythm of the beats. Then Julio’s voice filled the room once again, When You Tell Me That You Love Me; I wanna feel this way longer than time, I wanna know your dreams and make them mine, I wanna change the world, only for you…. I experienced a chill, gooseflesh covered my hands.

The memories of her lips upon mine gushed my mind. Tender. Wet. Trembling. We were standing at her door. It was that time of the evening when the world seems to be between light and darkness. I had stopped at her place to check on her. We had talked and talked, and listened to our favorite songs. We had described hypothetical situations of how it would be if we were to date. She teased that she would never allow my laziness in writing. That she’d make sure I write every day. The atmosphere had been spontaneously tender and charged. But we were used to such situation. As I was saying my goodbye, When You Tell Me That You Love Me playing in the background, I had placed my both hands on her shoulders. That is when she had rushed in for my lips.

I had not expected the sudden turn of events. Stella had placed her gentle arms over my shoulders and pulled me closer, till my chest was pressing her bosom. This scene had played a thousand times in my head, and yet when the reality version of it materialized, I had had no idea how to react. She hesitated a moment. I quickly held her at the waist and returned her kiss. As the urges elevated, breathing became heavy and heavier. The passions we had bottled up for that long clashed. I worked my hands up, caressing her back to her neck. Slowly, fumbled for the hook of her bra. I pooped it open after three attempts. She pulled away. Doubts clouding her eyes. The music played on.

That had been the first time, and the last, I had heard When You Say You Love Me. Until today morning. I was overwhelmed. Nostalgia weighted my heart. Appetite for the breakfast deserted me. I crawled back to my bed. I wanted to call her to remind her of the evening. But we had agreed not to talk about the incident, fearing that pursuing the topic further would put a strain on our blissful friendship. Fear of the unknown wreaks the most beautiful romance stories even before they begin. My lips anticipated hers. My heart ached for her. The music played on. Perhaps in another lifetime the cosmos will bring our paths together again. Perhaps.


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